curtains

i spent a mere thirty minutes today attempting to finish hanging curtain rods in my semi-new apartment before rushing off to my third of four derby practice nights in a row.

i also spent about two minutes in between the previously mentioned activities explaining to a friend of mine how i was way overcommitted.

over committed.

at this point, i'm doing about 30% of the things i want to do, 30% of the things i need to do, and 80% of the things that i should not be doing for any reason.  i recognize my own fear looming over my everyday busy-ness, and my overall misplaced energy, yet i cannot seem to shake it, or break it, or begin to unwind it.  i'm spending alot of time and energy on immediate setbacks, drawbacks, and slapbacks.  i believe i would be best serving my twenty-something years on recovering dreams and unwrapping new beginnings.  yet i continue to neglect the things that are built into me, the tiny voices and big plans.

and on top of all this, i find myself strangely vulnerable to a fresh romantic endeavor that is as unlikely as it is sweet and charming.  i don't quite know the significance of a thing like this, at a time like this, in the kind of world i live in now.  its been a long time since all of those things lined up for me in the same way i always added them up in my head as a girl, and i'm beginning to come to terms with the fact that it probably never will.

line up, that is.